How to Make Everyone Fall in Love With You

It’s easier than it sounds! Simple tactics that will have the entire world swooning at your feet

1. Apply eye contact, smiles, and good posture.
Who invited Emily Post? As old-fashioned – and obvious – as it sounds, actively looking people in the eye when they’re speaking and standing up like you’re proud of who you are make a big difference. Employing deliberate eye contact, also known as engaging, proves you to be self-assured. It makes the person with whom you’re conversing feel important, and people love to feel important. They also love to hear themselves talk, and they love to talk about themselves. Pretend you are interested in what they have to say. Widen your eyes when they tell you something that’s meaningful to them.

Smile as much as possible (except not at creeps on the street and not when you genuinely are in a foul mood because there’s nothing attractive about a forced grin); it’s all about coming across as good-natured, easy-going, and friendly. Lastly, good posture connotes confidence. Just look around: the people who hunch over and stare at the ground look like sad, deflated types, and the ones with their shoulders up and chests out (just a little; you don’t want to look like you are literally full of hot air) come across as comfortable with themselves.

2. Manners! Be humble.
You could be the most beautiful specimen on the planet, but if you are inconsiderate, rude, and never say thank you for anything, nobody will love you. Except for someone else who is equally dick-ish. Be polite. Hold doors for people (but let the door close on the person who doesn’t say thank you. Screw them). Be nice to the people who serve you in restaurants and do shit for you because it’s their job. Yes, they’re getting paid to do it, but so what? We’re all humans! A little common courtesy goes a long way.

So does not being full of yourself. Secureness is vital, and the genuinely secure don’t have anything prove. They don’t need to tell people they are intelligent, accomplished, interesting, or attractive. They simply are.

3. Don’t be disgusting.
Naturally, this is subjective and people have different standards of “gross.” But there is a definitive difference between being funny and real and, like, a total turn-off. Letting a piece of lettuce hang out of your mouth because you’re laughing so hard over a casual meal is fine. It can even be charming in the right context. Let the lettuce hang for a quick second before you pull yourself together; don’t let it get wedged in your teeth without even realizing it.

Similarly, having a nasty stench that emanates from the crevices of your body; oil-slick greasy hair; wet, juicy boogers sneaking out of your nose; or coarse, old-man hairs growing out of your moles, nostrils, and ears is not cool. Making a raunchy or vulgar joke can work in your favor, in appropriate company, but probably not if you accidentally spit all over your company’s face in the process. Dutch-ovening the possible one-night-stand you want to turn into your boyfriend is ill-advised. Simply put, it’s common sense.

4. Be hot!
Sure, this one’s not fair because some people are born hot, some have to work at it a bit (the vast majority of us), and others are strictly personality hot or intelligence hot. (And then there are the rare eyesores who have foul attitudes and aren’t even smart or funny, but who wants to talk about them?) Forget about just trying to look good. Merely thinking you are hot and knowing it with unwavering confidence as you traipse the earth will help convince people you are hot. People are easily tricked. Say it, say it right now: “I’m HOT!”

5. Be up for anything and down for whatever.
The people who make the best company are those who can have fun just about anywhere, whether it’s a stuffy cocktail party, a tropical beach with pink sands and sparkling blue water, the Applebee’s on the side of the road, a five-star hotel room with a fully stocked mini-bar, freaking Ikea at high noon on a Saturday, an arcade with an air hockey table and frozen margaritas, a desolate dive bar that serves regulars who eerily resemble flesh-eating zombies, or the godforsaken Port Authority bus station (not that I’ve ever set foot there – ew). Anyone can have fun in great places. The people everyone love don’t wait for the party to start or find them. They are the party.

6. Know there’s a fine line between laughter and tears. Utilize both.
In about 80% of situations, laughing is a more appealing and more flattering option to crying. Nobody likes a leaky faucet. Acknowledging that life is fucked up and you might as well laugh, even when you have tears in your eyes, is endearing. It lets people know you don’t take yourself too seriously, paramount to making everyone fall in love with you. Showing sensitivity, that you’re not a total monster who snickers in the face of tragedy is equally important. To break it down: laugh at yourself and your own petty misfortunes (cause let’s be honest, no one really gives a shit) and tear up on behalf of others, so long as it undoubtedly appears wholehearted and genuine.

7. Catch them off-guard.
By setting the bar low – or setting the bar “bitchy,” rather – people’s interpretation of you can only improve once you start talking to them. Think about it: by upsetting their expectations, thus revealing yourself to be a pleasant surprise and not a walking cliché, they will be blown away. Walk into the room like you’re the hottest shit anyone has ever encountered, then shock men and women alike by being oh, so down-to-earth. For instance, if you’re a girl and another girl compliments your flashy designer shoes, instead of smugly nodding and muttering, “Thanks,” respond with warm approachability: “Thank you! I actually got them on a crazy sale…” or “Thanks. They’re so high, I’m probably going to fall on my face at some point, but that’s okay!” You get the idea. Just keep your response short and sweet because there’s a fine line between friendly and crazy.

Don’t be afraid to be a little goofy. The pretty girl who can eat a burger with gusto and make fun of herself, now commonly referred to as the Cool Girl, is an obvious example someone everyone falls in love with. Consider this recipe: a hearty dose of confidence with a generous splash of humility plus a dash of playful self-deprecation.

8. Be magical.
Be a natural flirt. As in, someone who “inadvertently” flirts with everyone in a not-necessarily-sexual way, not the chick who bats her eyelashes at the dude she has a crush on like a cartoon kitty-cat. It’s successfully creating a sparkle in your eye, a vaguely mischievous and lightly tantalizing glint that sends the message, “I’m a little bit of trouble and a whole lot of fun.”

It’s also about charisma. By Merriam-Webster’s definition, it’s “a special charm or appeal that causes someone to feel attracted and excited by someone.” Who the hell wouldn’t want to have that? Like talent, this quality is inherent to some and not others, but also like talent, it can be nurtured, worked on, and improved. Cultivate your charisma. Tell stories at dinner parties and see if you can hold everyone’s interest all the way through; extra points for consciously inducing an explosion or two of laughter. Pay attention to what you’re doing when you catch people giving you the eye, whether it’s a glance of attraction, envy, or mere intrigue. Go out alone every once in awhile, so you don’t have your friends to rely on as a social crutch. And if you aren’t charismatic, just get a little drunk and you will feel like you are oozing charisma. Done.

Originally published on Archetypes.com