How to Fake It
Model Aline Weber clearing feigning a tough workout out for Vogue Japan, June '12
Forget faking it ‘til you make it. Fake it ‘til you feel great!
1. Appreciate the difference between fake and phony.
Disregard the negative connotation. Faking it isn’t about pretending you have it all together (the reality is no one in the world really does, anyway) or about sticking yourself with more emotional work, like feigning cheerfulness when you’re having a seriously rough go. There’s a big difference between faking it and being phony. Phony people are the worst. Being phony is not only vaguely deplorable; it’s a grave waste of time and energy.
2. Conviction is key.
Any action delivered with the faintest hint of disingenuousness will ruin the effect. In the wise words of Seinfeld’s George Costanza, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” Conviction is half the battle, if not more, and the outside world’s perception of you will follow suit. Faking it, whatever it may be, is founded upon exercising control – and a little bit of healthy self-denial. The truth only matters if the veneer matches, and you likely have far more authority over that veneer than you might think.
3. Do it for the right reasons.
The correct motive for simulating your reality isn’t convincing everyone you’re awesome. It’s for the benefits that come with convincing yourself. If you’re faking anything to impress other people, you’ve got to check yourself. No good comes from that. Unless it’s for spite and in that case, by all means, go ahead. Anyway, sometimes forcing yourself to smile when you don’t want to automatically makes you feel better, whether you want to admit it or not.
4. Know when to be real.
Some things are harder to fake than others. Being stylish, for instance, is near impossible to simulate because it’s inherent (but if you are trying to do so, go simple and opt for a high-quality yet plain-as-can-be white T-shirt, brilliantly fitting jeans, and perfectly imperfect hair). The one thing you should really never fake? An orgasm. It’s a waste of vocal chords and demeans the situation. Bad sex sucks, and those who aren’t any good at it should be taught. Don’t make the problem more prevalent by validating those who don’t deserve it, even if you don’t want to hurt their feelings or simply want the whole thing over with as soon as possible. I digress. Let’s move on to stuff you might actually want to fake.
Linda Evangelista lets the champagne flow for Roxanne Lowit in 1990.
5. How to fake being rich and fancy:
Hey, times are tough. So when in doubt or more precisely, broke, distract yourself! Living outside your means might be bad practical advice, but who ever had a fabulous time being practical? The whole point of living beyond what you have is that it’s the opposite of pragmatic. That doesn’t mean you can’t be smart about being vulgarly materialistic.
Don’t go into credit card debt buying the Tom Ford bag (although, if you want to, I say go for it, but I am very irresponsible). Just buy the Tom Ford lipstick; the Art Deco-inspired case feels decadent every time you break it out. When shopping, don’t immediately reach for the tag to check out the price, and then gasp in horror. Be casual about it, like you couldn’t be bothered whether the thing is $15 or $1,500. You could afford it either way, so what’s it to you? Steer clear of fakes and knockoffs because they’re just sad. If you’re going frugal, opt for something with some originality. Know the differences between Champagne, Prosecco, and Cava. And Barolo, Barbera, and Brunello, for that matter. Just don’t go showing off your sparkling or red wine knowledge like a pretentious schmuck. Order it like it’s no big thing.
6. How to fake being natural beauty:
There are few on this planet who wouldn’t enjoy being a bona fide natural looker. The rise of no-makeup makeup, which goes in conjunction with all that “I woke up like this #flawless” crap, makes it all the more alluring to fake a fresh face. Every makeup artist will tell you: it’s starts and ends with the skin. Invest in a top-notch CC cream and foundation, like Giorgio Armani’s Luminessence CC Color Control Bright Moisturizer and By Terry’s Cover-Expert Perfecting Fluid.
Then focus on achieving a rosy, just-had-a-romp-in-the-hay glow; the cheeks are all-important. RMS Beauty’s Lip2Cheek pots, especially in Beloved, are genius. Lastly, add a couple of delicately applied coats of mascara (start with a thin wand, then use a thicker on the second coat; MAC’s dual-tipped Haute & Naughty Lash is surprisingly solid), and – this is very important – lightly filled-in eyebrows. Don’t neglect the brows! Chanel’s Crayon Sourcils Sculpting Eyebrow Pencil is a breeze to use and the texture keeps you from looking like you took a sharp crayon to your face.
7. How to fake being a badass:
The intimidation factor is all in the details, and some of them are so obvious it’s almost silly. Obtain a high-quality yet stylishly rugged leather jacket (sorry, vegans, it must be real leather; pleather will kill the mood). Sick black boots don’t hurt, either. Master your tough face: a light scowl or smirk or a disaffected gaze that’s subtly disapproving, effortlessly coy, and undeniably unnerving. Walk with a swagger; toss your shoulders back and don’t be afraid to make some noise with each step. Pretend like you don’t notice anyone, ever, like you’re a lone wolf who seeks no validation. This elicits not only a degree of intimidation but a level of curiosity.
8. How to fake the fact that you stayed up all night (and are possibly still drunk):
Sometimes it happens: one thing leads to another, a quiet, semi-innocent dinner turns into post-dinner drinks which turns into blind bar-hopping which turns into after-hours high jinks which turns into, “Oh, god. Why the hell is the sun up? And why is it the clearest, most beautiful day ever?” Next thing you know, you’re due to show up at work or a meeting or brunch with your in-laws, for Christ’s sake.
When the thought of looking people in the eye is terrifying but you have to buck up and do it, it’s time to put on your best fake face. This specific blend of searing hangover and sleep-deprivation seems to be what Adderall was made for (ADHD, who?), but I’m going to refrain from suggesting prescription-pill abuse. Employ the help of Visine (bloodshot eyes are a dead giveaway); a double shot of espresso; a double helping of face moisturizer or even better, a cream like Sunday Riley’s Good Genes Treatment; high-powered concealer; green smoothie, like Juice Generation’s Mr. Greengenes (hey, if you can’t beat the kale-charged juice trend, join it); dry shampoo; and the least wrinkled thing in your closet. Then, psych yourself out into pretending whatever hellish activity you’re about to embark on is going to be a fun adventure and that you actually are enjoying this altered state.
If you’re still slightly drunk, you’re running on adrenaline and booze and you are sure to crash soon enough. Enjoy the delirium while it lasts, but don’t you dare let the dizzy giggles get the best of you. You’re a pro at this, remember?
Originally published on Archetypes.com