How to Go Out at Night Alone and Have a Blast
Social anxiety, and tradition, be damned! Who says you have to have friends or plans to have a killer night?
1. Trust yourself. But not anyone else.
At least not in a genuine manner. Even if you manage to get in with a group (see Tip #7), you must be wary and shrewd, in order to avoid getting roofied, taken advantage of, robbed, attacked, sodomized, and the like. Indeed, there’s a big difference between having a blast and getting blasted. Keep your street-smart skepticism well in tact, while remaining open-minded to what the evening might bring.
Think low expectations and reasonably high hopes. This goes for pretty much every planned event or evening in life. Why do you think everyone is always disappointed by 4 am on New Year’s Day? Hype is a destroyer.
Be your own coach and cheerleader. It’s your job, and your job only, to get your confidence to its apex. Here’s a quote from a forum on RSD Nation, a site for guys to offer each other advice on dating and being generally rad (as long as it’s reminiscent of that in The Game, a modern non-fiction classic that brought triangulation, “negs,” stupid magic tricks, and guys asking girls if they brush or floss first to bars across the nation in 2005): “It takes a true alpha with 100% confidence and inner strength to go out alone and actually make shit happen.” Hmm…kind of true, aggressive frat guy. Or at least, it takes someone who can psych himself or herself into feeling like an alpha.
2. Treat it like a test.
Can you? Do you have the chutzpah? Deem it your personal challenge because a night out sans familiar company is something everyone should experience. Independence is validating. When you go out at alone, you’re not waiting for anything good to come to you, whether it’s a text inviting you to a party or hoping that hot person over there you will walk up and talk to you. Instead, you’re saying, “I don’t need to wait for what I want. I’m seizing the moment, and I can because I can enjoy my own company.”
It helps to pretend you’re in an unfamiliar city. It’s a fact we’re more receptive when somewhere different, away from the same-old thing. Embrace that mindset and fool yourself. Remember not to let yourself feel weird (at least not weird in a bad way). Also, don’t be weird (ditto). The only people who are really going to think you’re weird for going out alone are those who are too insecure and unadventurous to even conceive of doing it themselves. Those suckers are missing out. Most people can only handle going to a movie alone. That’s nothing.
3. Be a little aloof.
Don’t glance all around like you’re awaiting approval or wishing someone would just please come up and talk to you and even maybe do you the favor of buying you a French martini or better yet a Lemon Drop shot before you die of embarrassment! You don’t want to let on that you’re uncomfortable, even if you’re shaking on the inside. Yeah, strangers are friends you just haven’t met yet (and some are Chlamydia-laden amateur con artists, but let’s not split hairs). Avoid eye contact with visibly desperate freaks, or else they’ll seize the opportunity that is you in your solitary state, and then you’ll have a blast-free time. There’s a difference, and fine line, between being aloof and disinterested, and you’ll want to tread it in order to attract the right people.
4. Do it right.
Don’t do it if you’re not feeling like your best self, as in not out of loneliness. You’re going to want to be happy with your wardrobe choice and what not. Check out the laidback bar you’ve been wanting to try. Order wisely and drink deliberately. This is the time to inquire with your bartender or server about their favorite cocktail or ask questions about the wine list. It’s also the time to tip extra-generously. Don’t skimp; order something you can appreciate and will want to sip slowly, as opposed to say, well vodka and soda. Embrace the concept of eating alone, especially something kind of major like a steak or cheeseburger,. Just don’t eat like you’re starving, as if you came out to get some grub and get back home. Luxuriate in the moment.
5. Amuse yourself.
No, public masturbation is not the right approach. This is the perfect time for keen people-watching, thoughts both light and deep, and just a touch of self-reflection. Listen to people’s conversations and laugh quietly at the golden nuggets you catch. And you can always set a little goal or two.
When I traveled to Panama with a friend who liked going out much less than I did, there inevitably came a night when she was dead-tired and I was raring to go. No way I was turning in with her at 8pm, so she insisted on sending me off with a scavenger hunt-like to-do list, so I had a reason for wandering around a strange island alone. At first I thought it was kind of stupid, but it worked. I completed 11 out of 14 of my “goals,” including taking a shot that was lit on fire and getting someone to give me a piece of man jewelry…and had a blast.
6. Make the right moves.
You know the cheesy saying that goes, “You gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, love like you’ve never had your heart pummeled into smithereens, eat like you’re trying to get fat for your Oscar-winning film role, screw like nobody’s screwing you…” Wait, that’s not right. Whatever. When you are out at night alone and are so inclined to dance, you most definitely should. It signifies the ultimate in unfettered liberation. But you do it like there are at least a couple people watching. Imagine that handful of people consists of your close friends, even if they are judgmental strangers – in this situation, they probably are – because you tend to dance like yourself around your true friends.
Dancing is best once you decide you don’t really care what you look like. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that my dancing is strikingly similar to that of Seinfeld’s Elaine Benice (I could put her “little kicks” to rhythm-less shame); it’s also been referred to as “full-body Tourette’s.” Who cares? If you suck at dancing yet enjoy doing it, make it part of your awkwardly endearing schtick. As for those of you who stink but don’t know it, well, I recommend working on your self-awareness levels before venturing out solo.
7. Get in with a group.
If you’ve gone out alone and want to have a truly bang-up night, it’s all about making friends with a new group of people, even if you know you’re never going to see them again. Consider this the fun one-night-stand of friendships. Wham, bam, thank you, everyone! Extra points for getting them to pay for everything.
I learned this valuable lesson in high school, when I had a close friend who was a trouble-making drunk. Her second-favorite move (after announcing her bedroom floor was “open for spitting or peeing,” then proceeding to do so on her burgundy wall-to-wall carpeting) was running out of bars and nightclubs without a word of warning and disappearing into the night. Naturally, I went out with her all the time. When it happened at Bungalow 8 (it was 2004; don’t judge me!), instead of chasing her as per usual, I decided to let her go, stay, and see what would transpire. I innocently sidled up to a group at a table, as if I were one of them, and next thing I knew, I was in with a group of cultured and generous young Persians. They invited me to a party after leaving the club. Slice of life! I can’t remember what happened after that because it was a hundred years ago, but whatever it was, it was fun.
Originally published on Archetypes.com