Dear Playboy Advisor: Do I Need to Trim My Body Hair?

The Playboy Advisor on sex tapes, pubic hair and outdoor sex

While the stigma of being “metrosexual” really doesn’t exist anymore, I’m still not sure what the hell to do with my pubes. Do women expect me to have them buzzed down to nothing now? The last woman I was with made a face when she saw how much pubic hair I have, and now I’m rethinking the whole situation.—J.F., Mankato, Minnesota 

Like your preferred sleeping position or Chipotle order, pubic-hair grooming is highly subjective. That said, an all-natural approach is almost antiquated at this point. Most of us are in favor of partial or complete elimination, for aesthetic or hygienic reasons or both. A lot of women wonder why we should be bombarded with fuzz when we’re expected to maintain a sleek landing strip or be preternaturally smooth everywhere—but spite aside, few people like to plunge face-first into a mouthful of shrubbery because (a) it’s distracting and (b) it makes our work more difficult. The first time I encountered a guy who was completely shaved, I thought, This is fucking weird. Eventually, it grew on me, so to speak, and I realized it makes for easy, clean access. Converted!

Don’t feel you need to give yourself a buzz cut, but it would be wise to trim as part of your regular routine. Any awkwardly long, wayward hairs poking out? Banish them. If your bush is so bountiful it competes with your dick—say, if hairs are rising well into the shaft region—deal with it. Just use a pair of clippers, fine scissors or a proper body-hair groomer (like the Philips Norelco Bodygroom 7100). Proceed with caution, especially around your balls. Finally, consider the possibility that you misread the woman’s expression and you’re fine. But are you comfortable? You’ll never please everyone, so groom or don’t groom your pubes to the length and expanse that make you happy. 

My boyfriend gets jealous if I hang out with other women. This is because I once admitted to him that I’ve messed around with a number of same-sex partners, but I’m definitely straight. That is, I’m not sexually attracted to women; I’m just open to experimentation. The jealousy rears its head whenever I make a new female friend or we’re out and I’m spending more time with my girlfriends than with him. In those cases, his behavior becomes part territorial, part baby-sitter. How can I convince him that his jealousy is misplaced?—B.P., Lafayette, Indiana

If a man is threatened by his straight girlfriend having female friends, imagine what else threatens him. Jealousy is the result of a sense of ownership, which means your boyfriend is, on some level, worried that one of these femmes fatales will take away what rightfully belongs to him: you. Jealousy also stems from deep-rooted insecurity that likely has nothing to do with your behavior. So what if you’ve gone down on a couple of ladies? A similar situation in one of his previous relationships might be the culprit. Either way, the dude has issues with women and he’s misdirecting his mistrust, scrambling for a place to apply his fear and resentment. It’s safe to say he’s also pissed that he’s not receiving the bulk of your attention.

Is he a charismatic type with a strong personality? Thought so. But just because he’s charming doesn’t mean he’s confident. You probably won’t be able to convince him his jealousy is misplaced, because his feelings are irrational—and when logic retreats, so does hope. Besides, if your significant other can’t be happy that you’re enjoying downtime with your friends, then he doesn’t deserve to enjoy downtime with you. Tell him to drop the bratty bullshit. If he doesn’t, dump him and get with a real man—or woman, for that matter. 

Is it unhealthy that I don’t want to delete a bunch of homemade sex videos of my ex and me because I like to masturbate to them? We were together only six months, so I don’t have a ton of residual feelings for her, and our breakup wasn’t heartbreaking (that I’m aware of), but could this create problems for me down the road?—T.D., Berlin, Germany

First off, are you currently in a relationship? If you are, and you continue to invite your ex to your personal party, then, yes, obviously there’s a problem—and you’ll surely have a bigger one down the road, particularly if your new girlfriend should stumble into your phone’s photo app. (And by “stumble,” I mean “break into it the moment it’s unlocked and you’re not looking.” People can sense these things.) If you’re single, then, hey, no damage done. It’s your amateur porn and you can watch it as frequently and ferociously as you damn well please—unless your favorite video vixen explicitly told you to delete the content, in which case you need to get rid of it out of respect for her. Just make sure you can get off without the assistance of your homemade films and that they’re not causing you to blow off plans with prospective partners. Keep your viewing sessions infrequent, and mix up your masturbation routine by watching porn you didn’t direct and star in yourself. Better yet, use your imagination. 

I keep having sex with a woman I don’t really like. It happens when I’m bored—or drunk. I’m not attracted to her, and the sex is mediocre at best. She, on the other hand, says I’m the best she’s ever had, and I think that’s because she’s in love with me. I can’t tell if I’m doing it out of pity, insecurity or basic boredom. I don’t need advice on how to simply “break it off”—as soon as I start actually dating, that will be it—but I could use some insight into why I keep doing this.—S.G., San Francisco, California

Poor girl. Poor you. Poor everyone involved in this labyrinth of unrequited lust, misdirected affection and overabundant cocktails. Boredom is a genuine reason we do a lot of dumb shit, like drop molly alone on a Sunday afternoon or sign up to be a webcam model (speaking on behalf of a friend, of course). But it’s not the only reason. I sense a measure of guilt and, yes, insecurity.

Admit it: You like the adoration. It’s simultaneously safe and liberating to have sex with someone you have this kind of power over. And it’s nice to have a woman on reserve, particularly when your self-esteem has taken a beating and you’re a little horny. Even if you’re not into the sex, you’re getting off on the psychological elements in play. That, and you might have a smidge of a drinking problem. Are you drinking to make it easier to have sex with her, or are you having sex with her because you’re drunk? Only you can answer that. Ask more questions while you’re at it. Is it possible that deep down you think you don’t deserve to be with someone you’re attracted to? Are you afraid of experiencing the vulnerability that comes with actually caring? Traumatized from a previous relationship when you were the one who loved harder and got burned? Clearly you’re not doing this out of some profound unconscious love for her, but it may have to do with an unconscious lack of love for yourself. 

I’m going camping this summer with some friends, including a woman I’ve been flirting with for months. I think we’ll finally do the deed, but I’ve never had sex outdoors before. Any tips?—B.V., Ludington, Michigan

When it comes to sex in the wild, for every unfettered pleasure, there’s a mosquito swarm, poison ivy bush or black bear cameo. The key is to embrace it all. Don’t think of it as a war against nature but a union of romance and the great outdoors. Isn’t the goal of camping to revel in the primal glory of living beyond civilization for a couple of days? If you plan on keeping your escapades relegated to a tent, don’t get busy on an air mattress; the sound of your bodies squeaking is a real mood killer. If you’re more adventurous, sneak away to a remote area, pick her up like the almighty outdoorsman you are, ask her to wrap her legs around you, and go at it standing up. It’s super hot, and you’ll have minimal contact with leaves, soil and all the other stuff you don’t want up your butt crack. That said, it’s crucial that you get dirty, in every sense of the word. Good sex is worth a few bug bites, and wanting someone so bad you don’t care about the repercussions can result in epic sex.

Originally published in Playboy magazine